Wednesday, January 16, 2008

What to do with Too Many Olives


Harvest gone a bit over the top this year? Wondering what to do with all those olives? Wonder no more!

1) String up a line of olives and wear it around your neck. Fashionable and practical!


2) Ladies, kiss that pasty skin goodbye. Mash up some black olives, spread liberally over skin, rinse off after two days. Voila! Home-made self tan (you may end up purple but purple is IN this year)


3) Feeling shy on the nude beaches of Greece? String two olives with one piece of string (choice of colours) and a third olive on 3 pieces of string. Your attractive g-string micro bikini is ready to wear.


4) Bored of your eye colour? Take a green olive. Remove the stone and chop it in half. Next, using a sharp blade, cut off two thin rounds. Insert over cornea. That come hither look is now yours.


5) String an olive on a piece of string. Make a batch of these and sell them to unsuspecting tourists as "Traditional Greek Treat. Olive on a String!"


6) Attach olives onto hooks and use as fishing bait. If unsuccessful, wear as earrings to the taverna you will go to after fishing.


7) That guy you like not paying you any attention? Place two olives strategically under a tight fitting sweater. Enough said.


8) Roll black olives in dirt. Wait for seismic activity and scatter on the street. Run around saying "Did you see that giant goat that just walked past here? It crapped all over the street!"


9) Buy a glass fish bowl. Add fish-friendly gravel and plants. Drop in one olive. Your entertaining olive pet is now ready.


10) Try to convince checkout girls that the EU just okayed olives as legal tender in Greece.


11) Take 4 olives. Attach each pair in the middle with a paperclip. Your olive cufflinks will wow your colleagues and provide a nutritious snack during boring meetings.


12) Sick of being cat-called in the summer? Wear a pair of bicycle shorts and fill with olives all around. Walk down the street complaining loudly about your cellulite.


13) For that god-like feeling, purchase thousands of pairs of googly eyes and glue a pair onto each of your olives. Cover every surface in your house with your little minions staring up at you in awe and adoration.


14) Pour olives into bowl, add milk, eat for breakfast.


15) Break into the studios of any Greek TV channel in the morning armed with olives and a slingshot. Wait for the loud shouting matches to start and shoot olives into the mouths of the partakers of these embarrassing displays. The nation will thank you for the quieter, more relaxed start to their days.


16) Distribute olives to school children and encourage them to play conkers. But with olives.

17) Noisy neighbourhood? Olive earplugs!


18) Gents, still looking for your princess? Worry no more with this patented Princess Finder. Place one olive under your mattress and wait to see what your lady love says the next morning. If she didn't feel the olive, she is NOT a delicate princess, she is a tramp. Keep looking.


19) Freeze little cubes of gin with a toothpick through them. Serve in a cocktail glass full of olives. Whacky!


20) Stick an olive in each nostril. Well, you never know, it might be fun.


8 comments:

AL said...

Are you alright there lil one?

Anonymous said...

I thinke what you are not saying says much more than what you are saying. lik will i take the job in singapore or not? I agree with the kind comment above and good luck with yr decisions, scotzeza

bollybutton said...

Gosh I was just trying to get some laughs. Relax y'all I'm not having a breakdown :)

thanks for the kind wishes. Singapore is still on the cards but gotta think it all through properly. I mean, I won't have olive trees there!

Marilyn said...

Hahaha, made me laugh at least!

Anonymous said...

FUNNNEEEEE!!!!

Marilyn said...

Bolly, I'm in Athens!!! Got here last night. Kind of overwhelmed for the moment. Weather is BEAUTIFUL though - I expected it to be colder.

I'll e-mail you my cell number when I have it and we can arrange to hang out once I get settled. You have to take me to some Latin nights, don't forget!!

belledame222 said...

awesome.

and purple would be a refreshing change from spray-on orange, yes.

Dee said...

Ah what a shame gin won't freeze....tsssk....