I'm pretty unwell at the moment (has to happen when the weather is great, right) and then yesterday our internet stopped working. We're changing providers from Tellas to Hellas Online because Tellas proved to be rubbish and I need the internet for my job. When making the switch we specifically told them not to disconnect us until the switch was complete because I can't afford to be stranded without any internet. So of course they disconnected us, but lucky for them I was too unwell to work anyway.
The side effect of not having any internet to amuse myself with was that I switched on the box and started watching Greek daytime TV. The horror! How many animals were needlessly tested and tortured for the buckets and buckets of makeup worn by those female presenters? How much environmental damage was done by the gallons of bleach they insist on pouring onto their very dark (and I think beautiful) hair? I stared in hazy fascination. It was like a car crash - you want to not look but you can't help it.
On one channel the topic of the hour was "The Woman I Married Turned out to be a Man". Alright I kind of felt sorry for the man because he was desperate for a child after losing his only son and the lady knew this and didn't come clean about not being able to have children. But saying that a post op transexual is a man isn't right. A man by what measure? She used to be a man would be fairer. But to be honest if you're going to meet someone and get married to them in the space of six weeks, I don't exactly know what it is you're looking for.
I switched channels. This time another set, another sofa of fake blonds with too much makeup and the topic of the hour was the weight of women. Inneresting! This would be worth a watch knowing how blunt the Greeks are, so I sat back as they opened the phonelines. Boy do I wish I hadn't. The first caller was a women whose 27 year old son was in love with a girl who was a skinny bitch. She was mean and unhelpful and made her son miserable, but he loved her so he wanted to be with her. Mother understandably didn't want to see her child unhappy with this cow.
Actually I wish that had been the topic. In reality, the caller was a psycho mother whose 27 year old (note 27 YEARS OLD, not a child) son was in love with a girl who was a bit on the chubby side but had a lovely personality. "I don't want this to happen." she trilled down the phoneline, "I want my son to marry a model! How can someone who can't take care of herself take care of my son." Hmmm, yes. I see your problem. Your son is after all only 27 and probably can't even tie his shoelaces. How's Mrs Michelin going to reach past her belly to do that? I wonder...
And the moronic Barbies with an olive for a brain between all of them (should add that to my Olive post!) actually gave this insane woman airtime and tried to solve her 'problem', her problem being that she is an idiot who cares more about what's easy to her eyes than whether or not her child is happy. She admitted herself that her son could do with losing a few pounds. Translate: my son may be an ogre but I can't see that and believe he's a god. None of the Barbies said "So what if your son ends up with a tall blonde model who treats you and him like shit. Would that make it better just because she's pretty?"
It made me want to find this beleagured couple, marry them and then tie down the mother in law with toothpicks holding her eyes open as I forced her to watch her daughter in law eat the entire wedding cake. How do you like that!
The next caller was a man who cheats on his wife with skinny girls because after 10 years and two kids she's put some weight on. Wow. Way to solve a problem. So instead of trying to fix what you have you just throw it all out. Well done you. Now to a level I sympathise and bear with me. Most women would not appreciate the handsome man they married letting himself go and turning into a walrus. But couldn't he have tried some team work measures, as in from now on I'll do the shopping so that I pick up low fat stuff for me and you to get into shape together? Sounds like he was uncommitted and just looking for a reason to cheat.
Today I have my internet back and thank
God.Pros of learing Greek:Ease of communication
Cons of learning Greek:Understanding Greek daytime TV