Monday, May 31, 2010

Eurovision 2010: Nil Points to Europe for taste in music

I *heart* Eurovision, though after all these years, even I know Eurovision is not a search for Europe's best song. It's a popularity contest.

Still, I was not ready for Germany's asstastic song to win. And I'll tell you why. There were much better singers at Eurovision on Saturday. The best of the lot was the Georgian entry. I give you exhibit A:

That girl has the best voice live I've heard in a long time. I've paid vast amounts of Euros to see celebrities that don't even come close to how talented she is. Compare this to the winning German entry:

Huh? This won? The mockney cockney accent? A song about blue underwear? If I were the Georgian entry, I would have killed myself. Talk about a slap in the face. I don't care what anyone else might say, this song sucks ass big time.

I knew that Greece didn't have a winning song, so my hopes didn't lie there, though well done to them for getting in the top 10 and delivering the first peppy song of the night, otherwise we'd all be stuck on a one way trip to Ballad City.

If you ask anyone in Greece you won't find many fans of the German song, partly because of Angela Merkel and partly because the song was a stinker. I would have preferred anyone to win, anyone except Germany.

I thought the Romanian entry was really good (minus the opera bit):

Armenia was represented by a booblicious relative of the Kardashians. She would have won but sadly they forgot that women and gay men make up Eurovision's biggest audience, therefore making fabulous breasts pretty much redundant. Write that on a post-it next time.

But it was the French song that I thought deserved win because it was so fun and with Eurovision coming so late in the year, it really got you into the mood for summer.

But no, Europe! You voted a totally lame song to win, thus proving in spades that you have no taste! France's entry was probably too good for Eurovision anyway.

And so for yet another year the Eurovision song contest is stuck in a frigid North European country. It's getting too much. At this rate I'll never go to Eurovision!*

So Greece, here is my proposal to you, my recipe for a winning formula. The last two years we sent men dressed in white and didn't get anywhere with it. I propose the following strategy:

1. Send more girls. It seems to get more votes and at least adds colour to the stage

2. Send a transvestite. It worked for Israel that one time

3. Send a novelty act like Finland did with Lordi, thus getting the highest votes ever on Eurovision.

*You're rightly thinking "But Bollybutton you moron, if France won Eurovision would be stuck in North Europe again, so where's the logic. I have friend in France so I could have gone to this and stayed with them. Life is not fair!


Woody said...

Bollybutton - I agree completely. As a crusty Brit I don't pay too much attention to Eurovision as a rule but my Greek Cypriot and Greek friends were and are passionate about it! (I lived and work in Cyprus and Greece for three years)

The real problem I have with the winning entry is the awful Germano-cockney accent and the pale Lilly Allen mimicry of it all. It just sucks!

The Student's Guide To Nail Polish said...

I wholeheartadly agree! France deserved to win, in my opinion - their performance was so full of energy and life, it was great :P Great review!

bollybutton said...

So glad you agree! She was terrible singing live. I guess everyone thought "Germany's got the dough, Europe is probably heading for economic meltdown this summer.... let's vote for Germany and Angela Merkel will totally consider that when our country needs financial help!"

No, you lame-os! It doesn't work that way! I guess with things as they stand, Germany is the only country that can comfortably afford hosting Eurovision.

Poor Giorgos from Greece paid out of his own pocket so that the video for Opa could be made.

Woody said...

Oh, as a follow-up. This is not just 'sour grapes'. The UK entry was BAD too. That's why it came last!

bollybutton said...

As for the British entry, he is the spitting image of my youngest sister's boyfriend, so I kinda felt bad for him.

JB said...

Loved Romania's the best. Greece was OK. The UK deserved to come last. Liked Moldova and France too. Unimpressed and mystified by the winner. Is this Europe's way of sucking up to Angela Merkel?

AL said...

my fav was ukraine ... :) also serbia for some reason. but i agree, best vocals go to georgia.