Last night after a walk with a friend I stopped by the local video club to see if there was anything worth picking up. Flicking through the new release section, I stopped in my tracks. In front of me was a sight I couldn't believe, a sight that both amazed and appalled me. It was a Bollywood DVD. New release. Rental ticket missing.
There was joy because a new Bollywood movie and not some art cinema offering was out in the local neighbourhood super-Greek video rental store, and someone had rented it.
There was also horror. Because this movie is one of a 3-in-1 DVD I bought downtown last Saturday for EUR 3. And it's bad. Appallingly bad. Big budget, unknown main cast, more money than sense, all style and no substance, a song every ball-breaking 7 minutes. The performance of the two new lead actors was so boring and bland I wanted to take them and roll them in chilli and lemon to spice it up a bit.
This movie is called Saawariya. I can just imagine the poor person who rented this DVD and sat at home thinking "Ti malakia einai auti? (what bullshit is this?)" and be put off Bollywood for life.
Let me tell you about Bollywood movies. They are supposed to be all song and dance, colours and unbelievable story lines. But the makers of Saawariya insult the intelligence of even the most die-hard Bollywood fan by thinking "If we make it big budget with a fancy set, no one will notice that actually nothing at all happens for 3 hours."
The plot didn't so much twist and turn as roll over in bed and fart. What a disappointment.
Why? When there are so many good movies why did that crap fest Saawariya make it to DVD release in the local video club? Why not Om Shanti Om with my beloved Shah Rukh Khan? That was at least entertaining in how it made fun of itself.
To the person who rented the movie, my sincere apologies. Next time you're in the mood for some Bollywood just borrow one of my DVDs for free.