Top Model News

Hello, fashionistas. We're nearing the end of Greece's Next Top Model and at this stage it's anyone's game. Who will be Greece's Next Top Model and enjoy a few months of fame on Star channel before disappearing again?

In last night's fun-packed episode, Ioanna, Seraina, Monica and Maria were sent off to London. Well, not Maria. She had some problems with her paperwork and wasn't allowed to board the flight. Shame. But that's the world of fashion, bitches; it waits for no one.

Anyhow, the person happiest of all was Vicki Kaya, who had orgasm after orgasm at the sheer delight of being able to throw her Queen's English around. Seriously, this woman has shown as much liveliness as a dead frog up till now, and once on the streets of London she was practically crying with joy. I've never seen her so enthusiastic. Maybe she joined the mile high club on the way over, who knows. Though with an entourage of fashion men and the persuasions of male flight attendants, I doubt that.

By the way, Vicki likes to coach the girls all the time about how they need to project more, get more into the mood of things, try harder, be the role. Well, I saw her in the Greek movie Loufa kai Paralagi where she played a soldier's girlfriend and it was excruciating to watch. She was terrible all the way through. There was a sex scene where the guy was all like "Oh yeah baby!" and Vicki was flopped on the bed looking like she was waiting for a PAP test. It had to be the unsexiest sex scene ever.

Or maybe it wasn't. If the director was shouting "No, Vicki, look like you have a rod shoved up your ass. I mean, like ALL THE TIME. Look bored like this is so not even worth your time. I want your eyes deader. No, deader than that. That's it! Perfect!" then she is a world-class actress.

Back in London, everyone loved Monica O' Man Chin. I'm starting to change my mind about her. Up until now I've wondered why the hell she's even there. She has model height but not model looks, and not model legs. But I have to say, lately I'm coming around to the idea of her winning. I don't think any of the other girls want it as badly as she does.

Her fashion knowledge of the Greek and international market is head and shoulders above any of the other girls, maybe even most of the judging panel, and she is not at all scared to let herself look ugly if that's what the photo demands. She is probably the most versatile of the bunch and has worked the hardest out of anyone to stand on an equal footing with the other girls who have an automatic advantage of being prettier than her.

Seraina is the most beautiful with the best body, but zero personality. She has nothing that would make you remember her. Ioanna take stunning pictures, but she's not versatile, and Maria seems to take most of her modelling advice from the Porn Star Book of Modelling.

So carting the girls off the London was a great idea because it showed how they would fare on an international market. In Greece, people like their models pretty. Actually, people like their models with their legs showing and lots of makeup. That's about all you have to do to call yourself a model - for example take some of the exhibitions I went to this weekend where lots of these 'models' were rolling around product stalls, attracting perverts and putting off any serious customers. One of them gave me a seriously bitchy look in the toilets.

The London market is much more into weird looks and Tyra's famous ugly/pretty concept, so they adored Monica and flushed the rest of the skinny bunch down the toilet. Yes, you can flush things down the toilets in London. It's allowed, unlike Greece, where you'd have to throw them in the bin which wouldn't have the same dramatic effect.

No one was eliminated, probably out of courtesy to Maria, and roll on next week when the final showdown takes place.

Out of all the above, even if Monica doesn't win she is the one most likely to make a serious fashion modelling career for herself. She's only 18, knows the market very well already and has got this far on sheer effort and determination alone. I can see her doing really well outside of Greece where her look is more in demand.