A Night To Remember

Here's how I spent last night, a night so horrible I had to capture it in a blog post.

I haven't slept properly most of this week but the last two nights have been particularly bad because of mosquitoes. They have bitten into every available part of me, from the soles of my feet and the palms of my hands to my armpits. What sort of pervert mosquito looks at your armpit and thinks "Mmmm... yummy!"?

Last night went down something like this. The lack of hot weather has destoryed my appetite. Yesterday we went to a home exhibition and looked around a great big building filled with mostly really ugly, kitschy furniture, the kind they ooh and aah over in the Home Country and the kind that I would be proudly showing off right now if I had remained and married there. Really, the 13 year old me would run appreciative hands over that hideous, curly legged, white lacquered and gold finished furniture and think it was most fantastic.

Anyway, after that Mr Zeus and me went out to dinner and I forced a very generous helping of moussaka into myself on account of not eating lately and starting to lose weight. When we got home I further expanded my stomach with grapes. All I want to eat these days are grapes. Grapes, grapes, grapes.

By the time I hit the couch for some pre-bed TV, I was feeling quite ill. Even turning over made me feel like I'd be sick.

Getting into bed started off an awful night. It was uncomfortably humid, and I usually like humid weather. Someone in the neighbourhood very kindly left their TV on full blast all night. All. night. Tuned in to some music channel. I detest sleeping with the TV on, I've hated it since I was a child and here I could do nothing because if I closed the window we'd suffocate but leaving it open meant that the entire night Amy Winehouse drifted in and out of my dreams accompanied by the hum of mosquitoes.

On top of that my dearly beloved fell asleep on my hair so that in the middle of the night when I tried to turn over I actually felt the hairs being ripped out of my scalp. This in fact is what woke me up in the first place and allowed me to experience the aural vomit that is the tinny sound of a TV on someone's balcony, mosquitoes and unusually high decible snoring eminating from the person next to you.

The mosquitoes were having a party at my expense, attacking any part of myself that I left exposed. "You won't win!" I thought, "I'm not getting out of bed! No matter how awake I am! I'm staying right here!" But finally I gave up and exchanged my blanket for a bedsheet in order to not die of overheating while trying to keep the mosquitoes off.

The TV played on, making me angrier and angrier. The mosquitoes buzzed cruelly in my ear. I slapped myself many times trying to get rid of them, finally hitting myself so hard in the face that it triggered a migraine.

At about 6 am Mr Zeus managed to kill off the last mosquito and I got in some sleep. When I got up at 7.30, guess what! The TV had been switched off.

Well, thanksaf*ckinglot.

Bets are on that I get fired this week. I am having the most unproductive week of my job to date and my work so far has been returned riddled with mistakes. I have two deadlines today. My solitary functioning braincell doesn't quite know what to do first.

All the emails I get from work are getting "Yes!" "Sure!" "Will do!" replies from me, while I sit here staring blankly at the screen. I'm not sure how to make Yes! Sure! Will do! happen today.

Image: http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff56/shcr05/No_Sleep.jpg