Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Directionless


As of late I am moving in no particular direction. I spent two weeks at work trying to meet an avalanche of deadlines with steely determination. This week, all the determination is gone. It started on Monday when I discovered that I had actually missed my final deadline on Friday due to a miscommunication at work.

That one tiny grain of complaint has snowballed into epic proportions and sits festering in the corner of whatever room I happen to be in. I'm sick of this tiny flat where one misplaced glass or book instantly makes any room look untidy. I'm sick of the Greek inability to throw anything away which means that if there were ever an earthquake, I would be killed by the fall of tons of useless rubbish that have been crammed into every storage space we have. If I could I would clear out all this crap - tattered old clothes and books, broken stuff, mystery pieces of plastic, reams of loose paper, brochures, lamps, stamps and homeless tramps - and burn the whole lot in the middle of the road. Except the tramps.

I'm sick of the sprinkling of spots that moved from their winter camp on my forehead to their summer camp on my cheeks and won't leave no matter what I do. How much money do I need to spend to kill you off you little b@stards! Do I look like I get paid in Clinique products? I'm sick of my job in which I have absolutely no interest and sick of constantly having my work picked apart by my superiors. Okay! I suck at my job! I know that! You don't have to spell it out in flowcharts and bullet points!

That's a lot of things to be sick of. I'm just having an off week I suppose. There are a whole host of benefits that come with working from home but there are also a whole host of cons. Lately I am feeling acutely lonely sitting here all day with no one to talk to. Mr Zeus left the house with specific orders for me to not have a long face today when he comes back. Is there anything you can take for that? I've been self medicating with red wine for two nights now, and I still don't feel any better.

I feel completely directionless. I've spent two days just staring at the computer. It's like my brain has overloaded and shut down. What should I tidy first? It all comes back within nanseconds. What topic should I tackle at work? It always comes back to me for corrections. What should I wax first? The hair just seems to migrate to another part of my body.

I wish I could go home and roll up under a duvet and be taken care of by my mummy.

Image: http://www.aimlesstangents.com/Header%20copy.jpg

5 comments:

smaro said...

aww, I am sorry you are having an off time at the moment. Hiding under the covers is the single best idea ever when you feel that the world is a bit nastier than usual and you feel battered. I find cooking something comforting always works as well, or doing something small like clearing out one corner in the disorganised, heaving mass of junk in my room makes me feel like I can do something right. These activities also stop me from dissolving into a dithering, rocking heap on the floor.

I was directionless for the last 2 years since I left uni and I was slowly going insane. I had months of tears and depression until I pulled myself together, got braver towards my manager from hell and started to design a plan of action. I now have a plan with plans B,C and D in the wings in case something does go right. Having that plan is the single greatest comfort I have when things don't work out and it focuses me to see those things that I do well, those talents I do have.

Hope Mr Zeus comes home and helps to make things better. I hope he insists you curl up on the couch and supplies you with your favourite treats or tv dinner whilst you chill out and have full control of the remote control!!
Otherwise, go out, maybe an impromptu girlie night with no talk of rampaging hair growth, spots or miscommunicated deadlines and instead lots of chatter, dancing and eating!

deviousdiva said...

Ahhh honey, you sound really low. Email me if you feel up to a night out for drinks and chat.

GreekGoddess said...

That's strange; I'm having exactly the same kind of week as you! Hate work, house a mess, bed more inviting than usual...

Look at the good things: you're in Greece, and it's summer...

Get thee to a beach!

(And have a nice, long dip for me while you're there).

Hope you feel more on top of things soon and if not, try some dark chocolate, at least 5 mouthfuls; I swear by it!

Cheers koukla,
GG :)

Sesi said...

:O You are depressed! Hey, I read your blog to cheer myself up, you don't have the right to feel depressed!
Ok, here's some tips that work for me when I'm having a downer:
1. Endulge into sins: eat chocolate (milk chocolate or nutella always works for me), allow yourself to NOT wax for a few days (its an endless war anyway), allow yourself to just sit brainless on your favourite couch and let your place rot for a day.
2. Next day, after sinning, go shopping! By yourself something nice you would usually not buy, something useless, but pretty. A perfume, a huge flower for your hair, a lace pair of panties.
3. Then sit down and prioritze: clean up your house from top to toe. A clean, tidy house can calm you down. Put your finger on what the problem is with your job and find solutions (is it misscommunication? identify what went wrong and talk to your superior to make sure it wont happen again. are there too many deadlines too close? instead of beating yourself up to make them all in time, prioritize them and ask for an extention for everything that is not superurgent). There is nothing workrelated that cannot be dealt with with discussion.

Hope this helps a little.

Blackbird said...

Ugh, I know the feeling.

It's normal to have our off-days - unpleasant but normal. Sorry to hear you dislike your job though.

I agree with the previous comments offering several tips that will make you feel even the teensiest bit better. In fact, I have a spoon and jar of nutella in my hands right now and boy, am I content!

Having done that, I usually go for a big dose of youtubing 'cute kittens', 'sleepy kittens' or 'funny kittens'. Anything with kittens.

Hope you get out of this slump soon! x