Wednesday, April 16, 2008

An Open Letter

Dear Mother Nature,

How are you, old girl? You know, I've got to say, I do love you. I love how you've made my garden bloom and all the delicious things you produce for me to eat. I love your wonderful seas and I bet you get a couple of cheap laughs from my attempts to swim in them.

But seriously now. You've got some explaining to do. You see, I don't get it. Why would you fashion me with the body shape I have and then hold back on unleashing summer when you know I have absolutely no body temperature control whatsoever.

I'm not complaining, really. I have the wrists of a supermodel. That's got to be good for something. But will you make up your mind already for f sake??!! Why must you make me suffer like this! How come the whole time I was in the UK you were crapping hot weather all over Greece and now that I'm back you decide you've got constipation and need AT LEAST another week to decide whether it's going to be hot or not? The rest of the week temperatures are going to be highs of early 20s. I demand to know why, why can't you do better than that.

Do you know what it feels like to look out of the window and see all that sun but still be wearing a sweater? Do you know what it feels like to start the day wondering what summer clothes you can wear but go to bed in un-sexy winter fleece pyjamas? You're killing my love life!

I held back a long time from writing this letter to you. I thought that if I've waited forever for the hot weather, another week or so won't kill me. But you know what? I can't wait any more! Maybe you're abusing your position because no one has complained to you yet!

If you don't do something about the weather soon, I'm going to stop recycling and start doing various obnoxious things like set all my plastic waste on fire and throw my used batteries into waterways. I felt sorry for you with all this global warming stuff, but you are so testing my patience, girlfriend. I may be small and I may sink like a stone in water and have no ability to keep myself warm, but I can bitch and moan the living daylights out of you. In fact, I can double my carbon footprint just by complaining. You've been warned.



Image: Courtesy of


Hope said...

Haha! Great letter but I think we're going to have to wait at least another month for temperatures in the 30's! :(

bollybutton said...

Not good enough, Hope, not good enough! I might be dead in another month! This isn't funny any more, I've been fluey for over a week now, I need sun to get better.

Διαγόρας said...

LoL, BollyButton, that was great.

Just in case it makes you feel any better, consider people like me who go to work on motorcycle every day!